This Youngster is Heading Down Hilton Lane

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When I was 14 years old, my idea of a big night out was my mom taking a group of us to the mall. I rocked poofy bangs, I was pumped to get my braces off and my mom started letting me wear an appropriate amount of makeup right before 8th grade graduation. I'm not sure I had any real goals to speak of besides getting my drivers permit, but if I did, it wouldn't have been to look like a 35-year-old woman.

Which is why I'm so freaked out by Ali Lohan. Somehow, in the last year or so, this teenager has added about 20 years to her look - and I don't mean that as a compliment. I'm not really sure what she's trying to be famous for, which is why many of you might not have ever even heard of her, but if you are familiar with her makeup caked face, it's probably because she's a product of the same kind of parenting as her skanky older sister. In that top photo, she not only looks decades older, she's bordering on witch-like. Making the fishy face also seems to be a necessity for her old woman look.

Parents, I beg you, please don't let this happen to your daughters. That is all.