Fake Mayor Slay: Grand Theft Auto - Gateway City

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When the spokesholes over at the Convention and Tourists commission told me they were building a "virtual St. Louis" I was pretty amped. I said, "That makes perfect sense! People always read about violent crime and robbery happening in St. Louis, why not let people live the experience?" Their looks of confusion told me they didn't fully grasp the genius of their own creation. "Haven't you guys ever played Grand Theft Auto?"

I explained how excited I was that instead of carjacking citizens and picking up ho's for extra health in some generic "Liberty City," that using the Gateway City as a backdrop made perfect sense, and allowed people to get to know our city and surrounding area better.

"Seriously, how many white kids 18-24 have ever been on Hall Street, much less heard of it?" I said. "Now, they can cruise up Hall Street on a 'mission' to break all their buddies out of the Workhouse then lead the police on a chase until they reach their secret hideout at 19th and Cole. The possibilities! You could unlock the bridge over the river to 'East Gateway City!' There could be a backstory about trying to take down the man who runs everything from the shadows, Mayor Slayer. Hey that even rhymes!"

Finally one of the word monkeys from Tourism spoke up. "Um, sir, it's not a console game. You can't run around and kill people and jump buildings in cars. It's an island in Second Life. you can basically walk around the city and see stuff."

What? Second Life? That's weak. Where's the sex appeal? Where's the mystery and intrigue, and Mayor Slayer? I told them all to get a First Life and come back to me when I can drive my Benz-o up the marble staircase in City Hall. Virtually, of course.