Fake Mayor Slay: I Am Iron Mayor

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What's happenin' gang? You know I am quite the movie buff, and of course I love me some crazy superhero action summer movie seat-of-your-pants thrill rides! I mean "DareDevil, "Catwoman," does it get any better than that?

Turns out it does. Iron Man hit the big screen, and it kicks so much tail that you could have had Jason Isringhausen write the last five minutes and not screw it up. So I got to thinking, "how do I strap myself to that rocket-powered wave of success?"

The answer turned out to be simple: I need an heroic alter-ego. Most importantly, a moniker that says, "Welcome to St. Louis, get in line or I'll break your face." My parents already gave me the coolest surname on the planet. I mean, if you were designing a supervillan from scratch, how could having the last name "Slay" not be kick butt?

I'll tell you how. Shackle that to the first name "Francis," that's how. So now I've gotta come up with something to inspire hope in the electorate and fear into other cities who dare oppose us. Here's the short list so far:

1) Iron Mayor - Not too shabby, but I'd have to probably put a Recycle symbol on the suit to keep the Greenies happy. That ticks the cool factor way down.

2) Frank the Tank - Pretty good, but Will Farrell in "Old School" pretty well laid down the defining performance of that name for all time.

3) The Silver Slayer - Can you imagine the marketing? I'm "hanging ten" down the side of the Arch, firing Cosmic Bolts into the sky? I almost peed myself this sounds so cool.

Yeah, I think that's got it. BALTIMORE, YOU ARE ON NOTICE! BEHOLD THE RISE OF THE SILVER SLAYER!!

Oh yeah, that's the stuff.