From STLtoday.com:

Deputies were called to help corral the 9-year-old male chimp named Timmy about 6:30 p.m. Monday. Authorities then searched the home where the chimp lived and allegedly found 200 dogs and three monkeys. But when the Humane Society of Missouri arrived, only 15 dogs and two cats were found, the group said.

I still wonder what the chimp could have possibly done to the officer to deserve that fate.  I would think the average person that sees a monkey open a car door would think "Awww...he thinks he people!" not "Oh my God!  Shoot it!  Shoot it!"  Maybe Officer Jimbo should have thought about it for a second before unloading on the little guy.

...or maybe "Timmy" was the first foot soldier in the coming war between human and ape that will ultimately lead to a real version of Planet of the Apes, and in that case Officer Rambo should be heralded as a hero.  

Unless you want the apes to take over to see what plan they have for AIG.

As this troubling information makes it's way across the web, you can be sure that this is more than just hype. Several sources are reporting on this computer D-Day event. In two days, your computer may turn against you as the mother worm signals her minions into action. Still no one knows where the worms will go to get instructions. Sounds like the assimilation of technological war to me. That or the beginnings of Terminator...

That's because Conficker blocks you from reaching any web address that includes Microsoft, Symantec, McAfee, AVG, Kaspersky, Trend Micro, F-Secure, Panda, Sophos, SecureWorks or Sunbelt in the URL. It also blocks URLs that contain 103 other names and phrases that relate to security. You can see the full list by clicking to SRI International's report here and scrolling down to the table listed under "domain look up prevention."

You definitely want to check - and disinfect - before April 1. On that date all Conficker-infected PCs will begin trying to connect to 50,000 web domains to receive further instructions...~ USA Today

Supposedly, nearly 10 million personal computers have already been infected. MAC heads have no fear, the Conficker Worm does not take bites out of Apples. Check your PC before the end of this month so the creators don't make a fool out of you. Click the links above to see if you've already been bitten.

Searching for 'Conficker Worm' may also prove an infecting point, so use caution when searching this information out. Make sure that any clean up software you may try to use is authentic, too.

You see parents, even if that cell phone's service is long gone, all phones have an emergency feature built in to allow them to dial out 911 no matter what. So when your toddler takes off with their new toy, they might be clogging up emergency phone lines with an accidental prank call. Quick fix? Take out the battery or get your kiddo an actual toy phone. Collinsville's police (and probably most emergency dispatchers in the St. Louis area) will thank you.

Two Lanes of westbound Interstate 70 remain shut down at Highway 79 due to a tractor trailer crash. The semi caught fire around blah this morning. It is unclear what the truck was hauling, but the but contents were very hard to extinguish. There are no injuries reported at this time. Traffic is being diverted onto T.R. Hughes which is at mile marker 218.

Lest the local news source should find a copy editor right quick, here is a picture from the front page of the website

The question remains, what time exactly is "blah;" is that when happy hour starts? As Don said in his Twitter message, "Local news Website has interesting concept of time."

They were pretty sure the land mine wasn't dangerous, but just in case, they called in the bomb squad from Scott Air Force. Weir "thought that anything he had in the collection was inert," and his wife was "flabbergasted" the mine was there in the first place. Right. And that's Michael Jackson's original face. I bet they just couldn't see the mine amidst all the stolen property.

Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad (or the bad with the good depending on your world view). The signs were posted at the beginning of March warning which MetroBus stops would be closing due to "lack of funding," and now the time for those routes to shut down is upon us. KMOV.com is reporting

Next Monday, Metro is eliminating or altering 24 bus routes. Signs, warning of the closures have been posted for several weeks now.

It is with mixed emotions that we all will bid farewell to these 24 bus stops and routes on March 30. If you have ever had the pleasure of driving behind, or near, a bus for any reason whatsoever (even on a leisurely afternoon drive) you can see the good side of all this. If you are one of the local folks that actually rides the bus you are kind of screwed starting next week, but don't worry bus-rider folks, you are not alone in all of the city-inflicted transportation mayhem.

Between the bus and Metrolink changes, all of this none-such with Hwy 40 being closed-up and the recent news that they are just going to up and close Forest Park Parkway sometime this summer St. Louis really needs to start brushing up on past episodes of The Jetsons. That show's transportation technology may be our only hope.

This Sunday, anyone who's interested in buying a house in the area can attend a city-wide expo organized by Revitalize St. Louis. Meet them at 4221 Shaw Blvd between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. for this free for-sale tour of available homes around the Lou. They provide maps of five different areas that you might be interested in, and it's as beneficial for potential home-buyers as it is those trying to sell their casas. Happy hunting, folks.

Times are tough folks, and as most of you know, the unemployment rate is rising. But contrary to what seems to make sense, there's another rate on the rise; the number of people forking out cash for Botox.

The theory is that since it's one of the cheaper cosmetic procedures out there, it's what many St. Louisans are choosing to do to get ahead in this young and competitive job market. Not that it has any iota of an impact on how well they're able to do those jobs...

Somehow, having less cash has translated into people's desire to be able to express less emotion, too.

Ambien is back in the news because of the zany antics people on the pill tend to get themselves into. Just last week in Mascoutah, Illinois William Restoff popped the sleeping pill while on his way home from work and woke up in a jail cell. The Belleville News Democrat is reporting

A Mascoutah businessman with no prior criminal record said he took a sleeping pill and woke up in a police holding cell with dog bite wounds, facing a felony charge.

Restoff was charged last week with felony criminal trespassing and misdemeanor resisting a peace officer.

Here we all were thinking that Ambien is supposed to give you a peaceful night's rest when really it's just a full out college party complete with unconsciousness and run-ins with the law.

In response to this latest revelation, the makers of Ambien are repackaging their drug in a younger, hipper plastic vial, and they are hammering out the details for distribution agreements with several college fraternities and nightclubs at Spring Break destinations throughout the world.

KSDK.com is reporting that it took 39 years for a postcard to get from Wash U in St. Louis to McKendree student Robert Koch in Lebanon, Il

The postcard -- mailed April 6, 1970, with metered postage of 5 cents -- has a preprinted message informing Koch his application to the school had been received.

Valerie Hughes of the U.S. Postal said mail occasionally shows up after decades of being caught in the bottom of a bag or stuck in a crack.

So that's why we never got our autographed picture of Gary Coleman!

What'chu talkin' about "biggest" fan?

Now that the weather is getting nicer, you have a perfect opportunity to take your family to check out the St. Louis Zoo's newest addition. A baby Coquerel's sifaka, which is an endangered lemur species, was recently born at everyone's favorite free animal attraction.

The lemur is normally found in Madagascar, but St. Louis is taking care of theirs in the Zoo's primate house. The poor thing doesn't seem to have a name yet though. Consider yourselves special, because our is one of only eight zoos in the entire country that house this rare critter.

Maryland Heights and Westport have been bombarded with a whole different kind of graffiti lately. Apparently, someone has been taking feces and wiping it all over St. Louis. They don't discriminate; the bathroom walls of restaurants, public buildings and stores are all seemingly great canvases for this disgusting vandal, and if that's not gross enough, they're wiping the waste on ceilings, mirrors, snack machines and even light switches. (I'll let you imagine what happens when a poor, unsuspecting customer goes to turn on those lights.)

It might seem like just a prank, but experts are saying that the gross graffiti artist is most likely very troubled psycologically. Plus, it's a pretty obvious health concern for anyone who comes into contact with the doo doo.

If you have any info about who's smearing their own feces on St. Louis' walls, please contact the police. Chances are, they're looking for someone with really smelly hands.

If all goes according to her plan, flicking your cigarette butt on the ground would be no different than littering, which means that STL's smokers could end up with a $1,000 fine. Personally, I think it would be great if the streets weren't strewn with saliva-soaked tidbits of trash, but I also realize that ashtrays aren't everywhere. Smokers, how realistic is this?

Every parent thinks their kid is so smart they will be the one who finds the cure for all the world's diseases. Well there is at least one parent in Chesterfield that might actually be right this time. William Sun of Chesterfield not only got a perfect score on his SAT's, he also is one of the finalists, and the only Missourian, in a super-smarty-pants science competition being held by Intel. STLtoday.com is reporting

Sun's project revealed new insights on how cells transmit information and chemicals, the kind of knowledge that could advance treatments of diseases and neurological disorders like Alzheimer's, according to Intel.

William and other competition finalists met with President Obama the other day, and he is waiting to find out if he won thousands of dollars to pay for school. I guess the lesson here is that next time a parent says their kid is the smartest kid evah we can't be so quick to roll our eyes. This kid could be kicking some serious scientist booty even before he can have a legal drink. Congrats and good luck William!