Um…earlier than Dream On?  Earlier than a song that’s off their first freakin’ record?

Hey, maybe Kara’s so cool she has some bootleg Aerosmith recordings from when they were playing bar mitzvahs.  Personally I think it’s a bit much to expect Gokey to be quite so…*ahem*…cool.  But now that I think about it, I highly doubt that she is in possession of such a mythical recording since she goes on to site Cryin’ or Crazy (both of which are from the mid-'90s) as examples of “early Aerosmith”.  Clearly, she has no idea what she’s talking about.[morelink]

Now, American Idol has a rich and storied tradition of female judges that have been medically diagnosed as, I believe the term is: “a head full of crazy”.  But at least Paula has the decency to merely be nonsensical when she decides to ramble.  Kara is just flat out wrong.

Furthermore, I know Adam Lambert has a rabid following but “rock god”, really?  So Elvis, Robert Plant and Adam Lambert belong on the same list in Karaville.  Admittedly, I’m not an Adam Lambert fan.  But I get why people like him even though, to me, his act consists of almost entirely of screeching.  I’m confused as to why all of the judges are acting like they’ve never seen someone like him before.  The history of rock-n-roll is littered with people that can do exactly what he’s doing.  They were called “hair bands”.  That’ not to say that what he’s doing doesn’t take talent but it is far from unique.  He’s not the future of rock-n-roll.  He’s its past.  He’s more akin to the lead singer of a RATT tribute band.

Something very unsettling happened last night during Adam’s Zeppelin cover last night.  During the final part of the song they put effects on his voice.  No.  No, no, no.  A thousand times no.  I realize that the original song uses effects during that portion but this is a signing competition.  The contestants should never, ever, ever have effects on their voice.  For any reason.  Ever.  That’s a bad road to go down.  What happens if someone wants to sing Cher’s Do You Believe In Life After Love?  Are you going to let a contestant use auto-tune?  This is the text book definition of “slippery slope”.

As for Gokey’s performance of Dream On, with all due respect, the judges either didn’t get it or didn’t want to admit that they understood what was going on.  Was the performance bad?  Absolutely.  But you know what else it was?  It was brilliant!  That wasn’t a performance, that was a full on parody of Adam Lambert.  And nothing you can say will ever convince me otherwise.  Kara mentioned Danny’s misplaced “swagger”.  His swagger had nothing to do with singing.  He was giving you exactly what you’ve been praising all season long: screaming.  Granted, Gokey’s screams aren’t as pristine as Lambert’s…but it’s still screaming. 

And I hate the idea of duets.  That being said, they were better than I thought.  But they shouldn’t happen during competition.  It was utterly confusing.  There were no numbers on the screen but the judges critiqued them.  What’s that even supposed to mean?  The look on Gokey’s face was priceless.  He hated doing it and you could tell.  And I don’t blame him.  What’s the stronger singer supposed to do with his competition?  Prop him up or show him up?  If you want to keep duets then they should be reserved for “result shows” only.  Those episodes already have so much padding they should be sponsored by Kotex.  Why not throw in something that’s actually interesting?

A bigger problem this season has been the fact that they can’t end the show on time.  It’s gotten so bad that one weak an entire performance aired well after the show’s scheduled end time.  They dodged a bullet that time because the missed performance was Adam Lambert, a contestant that was in absolutely no danger of going home.  Unfortunately, that was the weak he sang Mad World, arguably his best outing to date.  Producers keep claiming that it’s because of the addition of a fourth judge but quite frankly, I don’t care.  They’ve been doing this show for EIGHT YEARS!  Figure it out already.  And the solution of only allowing 2 judges to speak per contestant was ridiculous and, justifiably, quickly abandoned.  The only way that will work is if one of the judges allowed to speak is always Simon Cowell.

Here’s an idea for speeding up the show.  How about not letting the crowd boo for 5 minutes every time Simon says anything short of “You were better than The Beatles”?  He’s the only person on the show with cogent criticism anyway.  Kara is too easily excitable and Randy long ago morphed into a caricature of himself.  Granted, Paula has been better this season.  But it doesn’t say much about people’s expectations when “coherent” is a compliment.  I think Kara’s presence has put Paula on notice.  And while she is much more articulate than in previous seasons, there are times when she’s obviously prewritten her comments and is reciting them back.  I’ve heard 3^rd grade classes imbue more spontaneity in their morning recitation of the Pledge Of Allegiance.

Dear Bobby and Peter Farrelly,

You guys have had your share of ups (Outside Providence) and downs (Me, Myself & Irene, Shallow Hal, Kingpin, The Ringer...). While the movie that put you on the Hollywood map is highly overrated, it is decent and good for a laugh. In fact, it will someday make the perfect TBS repeat over and over, all day long movie. You still have your fans though - good for you! The reason I am writing isn't to point out that you have even admitted to dropping some serious stinkers into the comedic film genre, but to express my concern over the recent news that you all got your hands on a movie about a comedy team that I hold dear to my heart - The Three Stooges.

It isn't that I don't think a movie should be made about Larry, Moe, Curly and sometimes Shep (although that is questionable), I am just not sure how this is going to pull together in the end. To this day, one of my favorite childhood memories was watching The Three Stooges on channel 11 (a strange, local station here that didn't have a major network affiliate at the time). Even though my definition of comedy has progressed somewhat since the young age when I started watching the Stooges, they still make me laugh harder than, well... stuff like There's Something About Mary.

Then I heard that you cast Sean Penn to play Larry, you guys are trying to get Benecio Del Toro to play Moe and you are nailing down Jim Carrey to play Curly. I immediately knew I needed to start begging you guys to not screw this one up. This could be such a cool movie, it has so much potential! Let's start with Penn, not exactly comedic gold here. Then there is Del Toro, yes the guy has range but just because he has range does not mean he has comedic timing (comedy is a gift & an art). Finally, Jim Carrey! I can't remember the last time he was in something funny - really. And just by benefit that he is connected to Space-Cadet-Crazy McCarthy I think he should be left to sink into the ether of Hollywood has beens quietly.

Not to say that this project should be abandoned, well actually... Thanks guys, just thanks. I guess there isn't much we can do about it now.

Sadly, sincerely, weeping,

Melody Meiners

As I type this, ABC is working on a comedy pilot starring Amanda Bynes. Call me crazy, but I'm usually a huge fan of hers; it's rare to hear of a 22-year-old female in Hollywood who hasn't been to rehab and who isn't a skank. Anyway, the show is about a group of friends who all get fired on the same day, hence the name of the show, "Canned." It will premier this fall, and also stars Tim Peper, Stephanie Lemelin and Baron Vaughn.

Miss Bynes' character is named Sarabeth (how original), a Midwesterner who is being exploited by her boss, only she's too naive to figure it out. It sounds to me like producers are plugging in stereotypes about the Midwest like crazy, so lets hope Canned doesn't portray us all as being backwoods.

It would be a hard conversation to have with any plush character, but at least one of them has to go. If you had to kick one of them off the street, who would you choose?

Personally, I would probably kick Bert and Ernie to the curb. I can't remember a single thing I learned from either one of them except that Ernie loved his rubber duckie (in a totally platonic way, of course) and Bert was more of a neat freak than my Mom. On that note, did Big Bird ever really teach me anything either? No, not really... Now that I think about it, maybe they should just scrap the whole show and put "The Electric Company" back on.

In the left corner, with a Member's Only jacket and a huge cellphone -
Saved by the Bell's Zack Morris

In the right corner, with a v-neck sweater and a Nixon head shot -
Family Ties' Alex P. Keaton

You can always count on us to ask the hard-hitting questions when it comes to St. Louis news and issues. To see who the folks at the rally picked for the cagematch winner, check out [tab:trav_video].

St. Louis native and country music singer/songwriter Rissi Palmer is hitting the road with The Travel Channel to explore the music scene in cities all over the US. Her new show, Rissi Palmer's Country, premieres Saturday evening, and in the first episode she is taking on Chicago's blues scene.

Shortly after graduating high school, Palmer packed her guitar and headed to Nashville to pursue her dreams of being a country music singer. Palmer told us that after recording her first album she headed hit the road in a whirlwind musical tour that didn't leave her much time to explore the cities where she performed. When a fan in the television industry came to her with the idea for a musical travel show from a musician's perspective she thought it would be a great fit, and her Travel Channel show was born.

Palmer is currently working on her second full length album, traveling the country to perform and for her new show, but we caught up with her to discuss her new show and her journey from St. Louis to Nashville. To hear our interview with Rissi, click on [tab:audio].

You can catch the premiere of Rissi Palmer's Country on the Travel Channel Saturday, February 28 at 9pm. You can also learn more about Rissi and listen to some of her music on her website.

I always get excited when I hear a St. Louis or Missouri reference on TV. Call it silly if you will, but it makes me proud of where I'm from when people care enough to make St. Louis a part of their show.

But the Travel Channel does more than just mention St. Louis. Tonight, they're airing Man v. Food - the St. Louis edition at 9 p.m. Host Adam Richman visits Iron Barley, Crown Candy and Pappy's (the ToastedRav staff can personally vouch for this amazing BBQ). Tune in tonight to see how Adam fared in the Malt Milkshake Challenge (five 24-oz. malts in just 30 minutes).

Dear Holly,

Deep in my heart I knew that this season of The Girls Next Door would be different, but maybe it is my fault that I didn't see this coming. Out of the three girlfriends in the Mansion, you were my favorite. You also, sadly, appeared to be Hef's favorite - you guys shared a room for goodness sakes. If you ignored Kendra's laugh and Bridget's blandness they weren't so bad, but I am starting to wonder if I didn't give them a fair shake.

See, Holly, even though I knew your heart belonged to that weirdo, half-cocked "magician" Chris Angel I still tuned in to see the parties, trips and general excitement that went on at the mansion. Everything was fine for a few episodes and I could pretend, just like you guys were pretending in the show, that you all were all still in one weird, Big Love style relationship. Then, bam, a couple of weeks ago I caught an episode wherein you wore a Chris Angel sweatshirt. I wasn't upset because it is an ugly sweatshirt or because his "logo" was so stupid, I was (and am) upset because it made me remember that this whole time you were running around smooching Hef and calling him "Puffin" it was all an act.

It took me almost 30 minutes, but I brushed off the sweatshirt incident and moved along with my day. The final straw in all of this was the recent Mardi Gras episode. You actually dressed up like Chris Angel for the celebration. While I think that it is weird to begin with that you dressed up like someone you are dating, I thought I was tacky to do it on the show. Seriously, you used to be the classy one! Holly, I am respectfully displacing you as my favorite 'Girl Next Door.' I am not jumping on the Kendra or Bridget bandwagons, instead you are being replaced by Hef's assistant Mary.

Sincerely,

Melody

She spunky, funny and down to earth, and now she is on her way to getting her own TV show. "Mutha Mae" Mason is a local blogger who writes and creates funny and heartfelt videos about what it is like to be a Midwestern momma. Her frank and hilarious discussions and advice about being the mother to her pseudo-twins (she found out she was pregnant during the adoption process) and her three year old daughter has developed a devoted following on the web, and soon Mae may have a devoted television following, too.

In July Mae decide to think big, and she brought her own brand of spunk and enthusiasm to the LA TV Festival. While there she pitched her ideas for a show about being typical Mom. She took a chance on her dream and now TV execs are going to take a chance on her. Reality TV production company Homerun Entertainment announced that they signed a development deal with Mrs. Mae. Homerun is currently pitching the show to cable networks and Mae continues writing and producing videos for her site.

Congrats and good luck Mae, we are all rooting for you!

The Super Bowl commercials this year ranged from the thoughtful (Pepsi's "Refresh Anthem" or Coke's "Avatars") to the absolutely hilarious (the Baby E-Trade commercials always rank up there in my mind). Every year USA Today sets up an Ad Meter where America gets a chance to play Siskel and Ebert with the game's commercials by assigning a stars value to each ad. This year 50 of the 62 spots were put up to rank on the newspaper's Ad Meter, and the number one ad chosen by viewers was the Doritos "Crystal Ball" spot (you can check that out on [tab:video]. The crystal ball commercials had me laughing out loud, but in my opinion the Clydesdale fetching the tree trunk is running a very close second for the best commercial. I guess I'm not alone in that thought because Super bowl Ads Fanhouse has that fetch commercial rated as number one, and the Cheetos "Gossip girl" commercial as number two.

The worst ad from this year is shaping up to be the Vizio commercials (you can also check that out on the [tab:video]. I am wondering if Vizio is loosing merely because you had to be in St. Louis to see that terrible dancing football player ad that Mcbride and Sons subjected the metro are to just after half-time. While the Vizio commercial was bad, I think even the 3-D glasses couldn't have saved that Sobe commercial. While the dancing lizards were a little lame last year, the football players doing ballet with the lizards were completely lame this year.

This year's commercials set companies back a cool 3 mill for a 30 second spot, or $100,000 per second. They got a little more bang for their buck this year though since sll of the ad spots were put on NBC's video website, Hulu, for those who didn't want to sit through the actual game or those who feel like reliving the commercial glory.

Once a year everyone in America is noshes on beer, nachos and wings while glued to the TV and we call that day Super Bowl Sunday. The grid-iron showdown isn't the only bowl to be had each year, recently there has been a whole slew of bowls that range from the racy to the cute. What will be the best bowl Sunday? Here we will decide

Super Bowl - Most eyes will be glued to the Arizona Cardinals, Pittsburgh Steelers throw-down, or at the very least the the commercial breaks. Football fan or no, everyone talks about the commercials so you better make sure you see those or risk being shamed at the lunch table by the cool kids.

Puppy Bowl - What could be better than big smelly dudes slamming into one another in pursuit of the Lombardi trophy? Cute puppies running around a miniature football field playing with toys and tugging on each other's tails (of course). Sunday marks Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet. This year they are kicking of the competition with Pepper the Parrot singing the national anthem, and the cute kitten half-time show will be back as well.

Lingerie Bowl - The Miami Caliente will be facing the Tampa Breeze in this year's Lingerie Bowl. The bowl shows during the actual Super Bowl halftime and is the culmination of the 08-09 season for the ten Lingerie Football League teams. This will be the sixth year that guys and gals across the nation have debated the general merits of the halftime show versus ladies playing ball in their skivvies.

One thing is certain, there will be no shortage of competition on the tele this Sunday. For those among us feeling a little more low key (or anti-sport, if you will) there is always the America's Top Model marathon on Oxygen, or the chick-flick marathon on TBS, but where is the fun, wagering, and unhealthy snack fun in that? So, how about it, is the Super Bowl really the best bowl and if there were a bowl of bowls, which would be Sunday's winner?

What is Oprah really up to, and should we be frightened? I had been turning this question over in my mind for a few weeks when a little beep told me I had a new press release in my email, "Oprah is Trying To Take Over The World." Ok, that's not really what it said, but that is what I thought when I read, "Larry King to Moderate "Beyond the Secret." You see, Oprah was on Larry King not too long ago singing the praises of the book, "The Secret," as one of the 8 bajillion things that completely changed her life. This lady does more changing than I do at a Nordstrom shoe sale. Evidently there was some ninja-voodoo-mind-control thing on during her chat with King because now he is moderating a panel that talks all about this book. If you want to see the clip and try to detect her stealthy ninja ways, check out [tab:video].

It all started in 1996 when Oprah started a book club. The club seems innocent enough with American Lit staples, heart wrenching tales and a few fictional memoirs thrown in for good measure. Since starting her book club, Oprah has become Don Winfrey of the best seller lists. Her book club selections are the only books some people will read. She even tells people how to read. When Oprah talked about how much she loved her Kindle e-reader they sold-out quickly, even with a $400 price point and a tanking economy.

Aside from the obvious, alarming mind control speculations, my concern is peaked by one of her 2008 book selections, "A New Earth," by Eckhardt Tolle. When she announced her selection and the companion webinar series that would be on her site, you couldn't walk by a playground bench without seeing a copy of it with little Post-It note flags sticking out of the pages (those flags were another product Oprah "loves" that had a run on it). I went ahead and picked this little pile of dead trees and ink up and thought I would give it a go. I was in one of those 'finding myself' phases, so please forgive for that moment of book selection weakness.

I got about two chapters into "A New Earth" and I stopped DVR'ing Oprah immediately because I am frightened that she is either trying to start an official new religion with books like this and "The Secret," or she is just going for the guts and glory - trying to take over the world, one mind control tactic at a time. Though "The Secret" isn't one of her official selections she has made media appearances touting it, and she has dedicated entire episodes of her show to the book - that's more than some of her book club selections even get. Though I haven't read it, "the Secret" book appears, from all fronts, to be in the same vein as "A New Earth," chock full of new age spirituality and touchy-feely self help platitudes. Is Oprah trying to tell us that she doesn't even need the book club to take over the world?

Tonight this whole thing is taking a slightly scarier turn as Larry King is moderating in theater events across the United States to discuss the fundamental teaching of "The Secret." Four theaters in St. Louis have dedicated screens to showing "life coaches" and "motivational experts" discussing the book. Why in theaters, and why not on broadcast television? Seems easier, but I would surmise that this has something to do with Oprah's master plan, and we should all be scared. Very scared.

If the world is getting you down, get comfy on the couch and tune to the History Channel all this week...it is indeed, Armageddon Week! Around the clock, get an end-of-the-world education with lessons from the Mayans, Egyptians, Nostradamus, and the approaching 2012 Scare. So if you are celebrating Armageddon this week, here are some additional treats about the end times, if you need a break from your history lessons. Did I miss anything?

The Day The Earth Stood Still

Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull

Heroes

Pocket Guide To the Apocalypse

Apocalypse Now

Survival - Life After Doomsday

Qbert's 'Surviving The Coming Apocalypse

Shotguns and Zombies

However, week by week, the Xbox slowly started becoming the apple of his eye and before too long, escalated to an obsession comparable to a drug addiction. Extreme measures were taken to make time for gaming; from calling in sick at work to Red Bull induced all-nighters.

Not only has gaming taken up most of his time at home, but it's affecting his sleep as well. After a few days of playing Left 4 Dead (a zombie game), he started talking to and fighting zombies in his sleep and waking up covered in sweat and out of breath. 

The Xbox Live headset chats are also getting out of control. He walks around the house every night with the wireless headset on, talking in complete geek speak about their latest virtual conquests. If I had a nickel for every "Dude" and "What the @%^&!" that was shouted into the headset, I could retire at 24. 

When I've expressed my concern and frustration over the gaming, I've been repeatedly told I "Just don't understand (gaming)." No, I just don't understand how it can be such a huge part of your life!

The Xbox's presence alone is starting to make me crazy; I've become jealous of a machine. I find myself circling the machine when my boyfriend is gone, wondering how I can finish off the hardrive and make it look like a malfunction rather than a sabotage. (Suggestions, anyone?) 

Out of frustration, I decided to make the matter public and announce on Facebook a status of concern for my boyfriend's gaming addiction. The reply's were astonishing - apparently, everyone already knew. And agreed. 

Seeking solutions to save my sanity and ensure that he will continue to be a functioning member of society, I turned to my friend Google. My word for word search: How to Get Rid of Your Boyfriend's Gaming Addiction. 

Some tell-tale signs of a gaming addiction include the following:

• Playing the game for more than 4 to 5 hours a day.
• Becoming irritable or withdrawn without access to the game.
• A steady increase in use over a period of time, addicts need more and more of their “substance” to feed cravings.
• Thinking about gaming during other activities.
• Gaming to escape from real-life problems, anxiety, or depression.
• Lying to friends and family to conceal gaming.
• Falling asleep in school or work because of missed sleep due to the game.
• Dropping out of other social groups (clubs or sports).
• Irritable when not playing a video game or on the computer.

Physical signs of too much gaming can include: 

• Carpal tunnel syndrome
• Sleep disturbances
• Back, neck aches
• Headaches
• Dry eyes
• Failure to eat regularly or neglect personal hygiene

Yikes! Thankfully, he isn't at the hygiene stage yet, but if I don't intervene at some point, I might find myself working to afford cases of Febreeze (or um, single.)              

In my searches, I also found that obsessive gaming is being researched by the American Medical Association. Thus far, the AMA will not go as far to say that it is a formal addiction, however they foresee it in the future. Interestingly enough, the AMA's report approximately 90% of young Americans game and that up to 15% of that number (more than 5 million kids) might be addicted.

Various support groups have been formed, especially online, for the gaming obsessed. The On-Line Gamers Anonymous website provides resources and discussion forums for gamers and people affected by gamers. 

I did get some advice from an avid (but not obsessed) gamer who told me that likely, the excitement of the Xbox and games would wear off as the Holiday passed and spring approaches. Sigh, one can only hope.

Is anyone else out there in my situation, or even better, would you admit you may have a gaming addiction? 

How many hours do you and/or your significant others allot for video games a day? 

The story of the first wedding leaked a while back. Turns out those vows weren't legal (shocker!) and the two can now go back to being a pair of mediocre actors on a show that, if there is a God, will somehow be cancelled despite curiously strong numbers. Sorry to sound jaded MTV, but it's the lying that hurts. Those perfect camera angles and unrealistically high-quality audio that common sense mandates would be impossible in a real setting reveal it's a planned production. So why be ashamed of admitting the show is scripted? Some of TV's finest material comes from the hands of writers, just look at Perfect Strangers.