You can't sing, dance, or shop like a celebrity, but thanks to celebrity self-obsession, you can now smell like one.  There are a lot of celebrities with a "signature scent" out on the market.  From J-Lo to Skee-Lo, if you look hard enough, you will most likely find the brand of celebrity bottled sexy you desire.  Though I am not an expert perfumist (or a celebrity, or someone who has a particularly keen sense of smell) I think a few of these celebrity scents have it all wrong and I might be able to help. 

Let's start with, Mariah Carey and her signature fragrance, "M."  Her scent is described as "an indulgent, creamy accord and blooms into an opulent floral heart as a rich base reveals darker, sensual facets," whatever the crap that is supposed to mean.  Now, should the description of her scent really read something like "the lingering smell of Xanax, mixes with a hint of stale booze, opening up to a clinical, dare we say psych-ward note?"

Moving on to Christine Aguilera.  Her perfume "Inspire" is described in a similar, bizarre and unbefitting fashion as, "a vibrant freesia top note and a heart of beautiful Tuberose flower, one of Christina's favorite ingredients."  I question if it should really read something like, "the scent of fresh tattoo ink and dirty hair and a lively top note of clove cigarettes.

Here is a shocker: one of the celebutants actually got something right.  Your favorite heiress and mine, Paris Hilton, has not one or two, but five different fragrances out on the market.  Her newest scent, "Fairy Dust," will be released next month and claims to have, "a sparkling prosecco accord."  Prosecco is a sparkling white wine... I don't know about you but if I am out driving on a Friday night booze is probably one of the last things I want to smell like.  But hey, at the very least Paris got her signature scent right - and now with the magic of "Fairy Dust" you too can smell like you have an heiress's drinking problem!

Since learning about Paris's perfume and thinking deep thoughts about Mariah and Christina's lines, the question that has been flying through my mind all day: if Becky the Queen of Carpets had her own perfume, what would that smell like?