Most people have heard the expression "you are what you eat," but after learning what I just have about some ingredients in today's make-up, I really hope I'm not what I put on my face.

As I was watching a past season of Nip/Tuck last night, I got to the episode where Joan Rivers decides to endorse a face cream that Julia puts on the market via her cosmetic surgery recovery center. Sounds pretty tame (as long as you don't look at Joan Rivers too long), but what really made me shudder is the secret ingredient in the face cream. (It's a discreet bodily fluid, but I'll let you draw your own conclusions from there.) Anyway, it got me wondering: do any of the products that my friends and I use have equally disturbing ingredients?

Lipstick - Although using whale fat has long since gone out of style, an ingredient known as carmine is still commonly found in many lipsticks and lipglosses. It seems innocent enough, but carmine is actually made from ground-up, dried-out female cochineal beetle carcasses. Although that good 'ol beetle juice might give your lips a nice, red color, I'm going to have trouble applying shimmer to my pucker without thinking of those crunchy little legs.

 Face Masks - Recently, Japanese company Nihon Sofuken has began making a new line of products, including face masks and jellies. Their secret ingredient? PIG PLACENTA! No joke. Since placenta is so rich in vitamins and nutrients, Sofuken has decided that it would be great as a face putty, as well. Apparently, pig placenta was the most plentiful placenta they could find. The company also uses this ingredient in a line of peach-flavored health drinks, but I'm going to stop here before I lose my lunch.

Mascara - It is considered to be one of the most essential beauty products that is currently in use, but mascara is actually full of poop. Well, sort-of. It's a long-standing urban legend that bat poop, aka bat guano, is an ingredient in most lash-lengthening mascaras. In actuality, guanine is the product that is actually used in mascara, but some guanine is thought to be derived from that bat guana. Either way, it doesn't paint a pretty picture for when I'm getting ready in the morning.

Perfume - A musty spritz on your wrists and another behind your ear, then you're good to go, right? Well, before your significant other sticks their nose on your neck, consider the possibility that they're smelling an oily substance from beavers called castoreum. Castoreum is gathered from smelly glands on the oversized rodents, and is used to give some perfumes an unusual, distinct smell. Do you really want to catch a whiff of that?