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Updated 53 Days ago

Don't Have Chicken? Try Roadkill

I ran over an opossum last night. I'm not one of those people who swerves to hit potential roadkill for points, but I'm not about to get into an accident over an over-sized rat either. I heard the "thump, thump" as both sets of tires ran over the little guy's body, and then it was all over. (If you don't hear from me again, it's because PETA put out a hit on me.)

At this point, my mind started to wonder. The first thing I thought was, "Is there any good that comes out of this decrease in the opossum population?" It turns out, some people have found a way to have fun with the decaying carcasses of wild animals that frequently litter our roadsides. This guy has come up with six different roadkill activities that the whole family can enjoy, including using the carcass to teach your children about death, or even playing name that species. At the very least, take it home for dinner.

Speaking of dinner, there are actually people who find "fresh" roadkill and consider it a great opportunity to practice cooking "wild game." I'm not one of them, but just in case you're really feeling pressure from our economy right now, here's a recipe for raccoon. Just remember, if you have to hold your nose around it, it's probably been dead too long for consumption.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 Tbsp of salt
Soda water to cover meat
1 raccoon; cleaned, skinned, de-boned and cut into pieces if desired
1 cup of chicken broth
5 sweet potatoes
Pepper
Sage

Directions:

  1. Mix salt into soda water. Soak raccoon meat in the mixture overnight.
  2. Remove from water and wash twice.
  3. Boil raccoon until tender.
  4. Place in a bread pan with sweet potatoes and cover with the broth.
  5. Season to taste with pepper and sage.
  6. Bake at 375 until brown; about 35 minutes.

I recently had a friend who hit a doe on a reasonably busy street. It was a complete accident, but even though the deer was incredibly injured, it just wouldn't die. What followed is almost indescribable, but I'll try - my friend threw his tie over his shoulder, put the deer in a headlock in the middle of the road and used a pocket knife to finish the job. I DO NOT RECCOMEND THIS APPROACH. Call your local animal control if there is a problem with not-quite-dead roadkill, or if you have questions about claiming the kill for yourself.

Bon appetit!

About The Author:

I just moved back to The Lou from CoMo and I'd love to hear from you. Shoot me an idea/comment/bored rambling at audrey@toastedrav.com.

I am also an expert at the Chicken Dance, and I am willing to give lessons for a small fee.


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