Fake Mayor Slay: Days of Swine and Roses

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So apparently I created a lot of "buzz" at my inauguration with my proposal for a City - County merger. Faithful readers of my "wog" (short for "web log" people, try to keep up with what the kids are doing) saw me begin these overtures some time ago. And as I recently highlighted, I've got City Hall on autopilot, so I needed something to keep it interesting.

Well, that worked for a day or two. I'm bored. So, I guess I need to get my nose to the grindstone. Sat down with Board President Lewis Reed and Comptroller Darlene Green about a budget. Turns out, we have one. Lame, I'm more of a "spend-with-your-gut" kind of guy. Anyhow, turns out the numbers on the "spendy" side are bigger than the ones on the "makey" side. Guess that red-light camera windfall didn't cut it. So we needed ideas.

"Well we could do a furlough," said Lewis. Hmmm... I did terribly in Latin at SLU so I wasn't sure what he meant. Not to worry, years of political savvy make wiggling out of this easy. "Darlene, why not take us through what that would mean."

"Well, basically we'd force every City employee to take two weeks off. And as a show of support, I think we should participate as well," she said. What? I can do that? Why on Earth haven't I done this before? Think of what it would do for morale, and my approval ratings among workers and their families! I said, "DONE! You guys make with the paperwork, I've got a plane to catch! Mexico here we come!" as I bolted to get packed up and beat the rush.

Darlene yelled something down the hall that sounded like "withoutpay!" which must be Spanish for "Bon Voyage" or something. Seems her good luck wish is working already, I got a REALLY low price on a flight to Mexico, and pretty well my choice of seat on the airplane. Tell you what, the timing of this trip couldn't be better. So much of my job is being locked in a room full of people glad-handing up close and personal. I don't know if you've heard, but there is this "swine flu" thing going around. I wanna get as far from that as I can, and Mexico seems a good place to lay low until it blows over. Sayonara, amigos!