Fake Mayor Slay: A Cheap and Easy Zoo

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So I spent about an hour yesterday morning reading the "Obits" section of St. Louis Zoo magazine. Wow, no wonder they have all that heavy equipment at work, I assume they are working on a cemetery. That's some big holes. I mean, if you put a polar bear six feet under, about half of it is still sticking out, right?

I flipped through some more, because I was hoping they'd have a piece about how you say, "no, it's just a cold sore" in Elephant talk. No luck there, but I was encouraged to see that they stole $10,000 from the state tree huggers... to cut down a bunch of trees! Now that makes me proud. Maybe they could cut down the trees themselves and use that money for a pallet full of Rust-Oleum for that $2 million "sculpture" at the southeast corner of the park (pictured). What is it with the "art crowd" in St. Louis and rusted metal, anyhow?

Alright! You know that dream I had, where I exacted revenge for the death of The Crocodile Hunter? Well, looks like this summer I'll finally get my chance. The Zoo is bringing in a bunch of stingrays and a 17,000-gallon Death Tank, sponsored by United Missouri Bank Bank and Mrs. T's Pierogies. Nothing says "Aquatic Curiosities" quite like redundantly-named financiers and Slavic dumplings

Anywho, I've decided I better visit the Zoo again before all the animals go to that great unnatural habitat in the sky. Besides, the price is right. Free admission AND free parking, and I only had to walk from Seamus McDaniels.