Movie Review - Hannah Montana: The Movie

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For those of you that have no interaction with girls under the age of 14 (be it by choice or court order) Hannah Montana is kind of a big deal.  Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, a teenage girl trying to live a normal life while moonlighting as “rock star” Hannah Montana.  The show has become a genuine phenomenon with real life Hannah Montana concerts selling out in minutes.  When her concert film Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds shocked the industry with a $30 million dollar opening weekend, a feature length film based on the TV show was rushed into production.

That film, Hannah Montana: The Movie, is now in theaters.  Cyrus is back as Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana.  As the movie opens, Miley, in an effort to duck a paparazzo, attends the 16^th birthday party of her BFF Lilly (Emily Osment) disguised as Hannah and performs an impromptu concert.  Lilly is upset that Miley attended the party as her alter ego.  Because if there is one thing that MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen has taught us, it’s that 16-year old girls hate it when rock stars show up and perform at their birthday parties.  Miley’s dad Robby Ray Stewart, played by real life father Billy Ray Cyrus, takes this incident as final proof that Miley is becoming too “Hollywood”.  He then whisks her back to their hometown of Crowley Corners, TN. 

Granted, I’m not this movie’s intended audience but, that being said, Hannah Montana: The Movie makes Spice World look like A Hard Day's Night.  The movie is so full of plot holes that it’s mind boggling.  Some can be overlooked in a film of this nature, but many are too glaring to be ignored.  Like the above mentioned birthday party situation.  How can screenwriters of a movie targeted so directly at tween girls be that tone deaf?  The audience for this movie would give up unlimited texting for Hannah Montana to play their birthday party.  Using something like that as motivation for conflict is laughable.

Once the Stewart clan arrives in Crowley Corners, they are aghast to learn that a land developer wants to purchase a large parcel of land and build a mall.  Again, you’re target demo loves malls!  Where do you think they’re buying all of those Hannah Montana CDs?  Furthermore, it seems disingenuous for something with as corporate a construct as “Hannah Montana” to be using malls as its whipping boy.  But in spite of all this, they decide that the only way to save the town is with a Hannah Montana concert.  That’s a plot devise so old that it was originated by Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland.  But, if it was good enough to resurrect for Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo then it’s good enough for Hannah Montana. 

The humor in this movie is kid appropriate, even if it’s not very original.  If the scene has a cake in it, then you’d better believe that by the end of that scene someone will be covered in cake.  If the scene has a flame in it, then you’d better believe that by the end of that scene something will be on fire.  And if the scene has a body of water in it, then you’d better believe that by the end of that scene someone is going in the drink. 

Ultimately, my opinion of the movie matters very little.  What really matters is what tween girls think.  At the screening I attended, they were surprisingly quiet.  There was very little reaction from the crowd until the last half hour.  And let’s be frank, this isn’t a crowd that’s exactly known for their self-restraint. 

The ending of the movie is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a major motion picture.  It’s so ridiculous that, SPOILERS-BE-DAMNED, I’m going to reveal it.  During the big concert, Miley has a mini-breakdown and decides that she doesn’t want to be Hannah Montana anymore and rips off her wig on stage.  But the crowd still wants her to be Hannah and they promise that they will keep her secret.  Now, keep in mind, this is a crowd of several thousand people.  And we’re expected to believe that every single one of them will refrain from sending a camera phone pic to TMZ.  That’s a bit much to take, even from the studio that gave us Pollyanna.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being A Hard Day’s Night and 1 being From Justin To Kelly, Hannah Montana: The Movie gets a 3.

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