Fake Mayor Slay: Sacks and Violins

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Apparently I need to take up the fiddle. People keep calling and writing comparing me to some guy named "Nero," and some nonsense about playing the violin while businesses pack up their stuff and hit the road.

So I decided to grab me some Internet. I hit my favorite search engine, Excite.com, to try and figure out what these people meant. Turns out, Nero was a Roman emperor! Of the Caesar dynasty, no less. That's all I needed to read. I shut off the Internet and went to take on the day, invigorated.

Did Julius Caesar do what the Senate always wanted? No! And look how well that turned out. From now on, the Board of Aldermen can stick it. You know what else the Romans did? Conquer by fear! So the first act of the Slayvian Empire is to show these Belgian waffles how we do things in St. Louis. I'm going to lead this angry mob outside City Hall straight down I-55 South and spray paint "STINKS" on the big ol' Hoegaarden billboard darkening the east side of the highway within sight of Our Brewery. Maybe then they'll take their $65/share (22% premium over highest BUD share price ever) and go back to Africa.  Then I'll probably hand out bread and make Fire Chief Jenkerson and Police Chief Mokwa fight to the death.  Guns 'n' Hoses, indeed.

Wait, hold on. My chief-of-staff Jeff Rainford just walked in. According to J-Ray, the offer was upped to $70/share, and the A-B board took it.

Huh. Well in that case, in honor of our new Belgian overlords, I must insist, and I want to be clear on this, that no one deface the Hoegaarden sign on I-55 just a couple of miles from the brewery. Such an act would be disrespectful of our new campaign contributors corporate partners. If I could figure out how to undo all this typing, I would.