Fake Mayor Slay: Your Mileage May Vary

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Hello fellow commuters. I would've written Friday afternoon, but I made the mistake of hitting I-270 during rush hour. That'll teach me to leave the friendly confines of the City Limits. From now on, I'll just get a lift on the "Copper Chopper" if I need to traverse the county.

Why did I venture into Chuck D's turf you ask? Well I've heard a couple of radio ads for these "Variable Speed Limit" signs. These I had to see for myself! What alien technology would they use to determine the correct speed for tens of thousands of people at once? And how can I convince those same aliens to set up shop on Kingshighway?

Well after my experience Friday, they can keep their aliens. I was at a complete standstill, and the signs still read 60. I was worried some MoDOT zealot would do as they were told, and drive the speed posted on the sign, right into my rear bumper. How can people be expected to think for themselves and slow down when they see traffic ahead? People are sheep! Except the fine voters of the City of St. Louis, of course.

I called up Li'l Roy (Missouri Governor Matt Blunt) to see what the Hayti, Missouri was going on. He said the "Civies" from Rolla told him that if you slow traffic during periods of congestion, people will get where they are going faster, and that was well worth the $900,000 price tag. I reminded him that 50% of all civil engineers graduate in the bottom half of their class. And that even if their "slower is faster" theory were true, all the signs still read 60.

Li'l Roy pondered that for a bit, and said he'd tackle it in his next term. See? There is government in action people! Glad to be of service to the region.

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