Fake Mayor Slay: Red Light District

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Well, I know where my "economic stimulus" package check is going: Traffic violations. Apparently I've decided to help the economy of St. Louis by tearing through red lights, because I just found a pile of $100 citations from what I am told are "red light cameras."

I would much rather be blowing my check on some serious HD gear for the "Slayground." But apparently my vehicle has seen fit to ignore the big, bright lights at the middle of intersections. I say "my vehicle" because there is no way to prove it was me. And apparently one doesn't have to pay these fines, anyhow.

Now, I would expect to be exempt from this (if I had ever gotten those "diplomatic plates" I asked the Board for years ago). But as it turns out, everybody is! Just don't pay the fine. Which begs the question: Why on earth did we install them?

Well, I'm nothing if not resourceful. So lets figure out how we can put these things to use. Feel free to comment on which of these ideas you like, or if you have one of your own. Like Barrack Obama, I'm all ears.

1) Place camera at entrance to lower bowl at Busch, "The Ed" and ScotTrade.  People who regularly show up late for the games will lose the privilege of sitting in the prime seats, and will be made to swap with real fans.

2) Place cameras on exit to Illinois Route 3 South. Take pictures of any Missouri vehicles heading toward PT's after 3 a.m. Send pics to driver's place of employment with a donation envelope that can be returned with cash to avoid the picture being sent to the driver's spouse. We need some alternative financing during this "economic slowdown," people.

3) Set them up at the exits of City Employee parking to see who is leaving early. No, forget that one.

4) Set them up in Clayton and Lambert Airport so we can watch big businesses leave the city.

Like I said, I am open to your suggestions. I'm just glad I don't have to actually pay those fines, now I can deck out the "Slayground" with that PS3 and 50" LCD it has so desperately needed.