Fake Mayor Slay: Speechifying

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Howdy constituents and St. Louis-philes, sorry I haven't written for a bit, but I've been putting all of my energy into my upcoming "State of the City" address I'm giving Friday. I've got most of it worked out, but need a bit of an icebreaker to start with. So, let me run by you some things I've been working on to help my "creative process."

Okay, here are some I've been kicking around:

"Can anyone tell me what an archaeologist and Ballpark Village have in common? Anyone? They're both in ruins."

Hmmm...I beat that up enough in my speech, maybe something with more general humor. "Alright, looks like Chief Mokwa and his staff have all the doors chained now. Before we get started, remember that the safe word is 'Albatross'."

I could see that working at the Missouri Athletic Club. But I better air some more out, just to be sure. Maybe something topical: "I just flew in from China, and boy was my flight delayed due to undermaintained wiring harnesses! I said, 'wiring harnesses...'" Might take too much explaining.

Everyone loves political humor. "Alright, a quick civics quiz: How long does a U.S. Congressman serve? Anyone? Anyone? Until he gets caught! Lacy, I'm looking in your direction here.

I better not harsh on a fellow Democrat like that. Man this is hard. I had a bit about "What does the Biblical figure Onan have in common with Pyramid Developers" but I don't think enough people know the name of the company that pulled out of the Mercantile Exchange lofts for it to "sizzle."

I could go dry and low key, "My name is Mayor Francis Slay. For those of you wondering, that is Slay as in 'kill,' not 'one-horse open.'" Too seasonal?

Drat, none of these are really working. I guess it is back to Rainford's suggestion of smashing watermelons with an over-sized hammer. If you are coming to the MAC, bring some plastic!